Literally two days after the marriage retreat our world was turned upside down. You see, Carson had been becoming increasingly picky with eating his food and we started finding some vomit spots. I usually wait before rushing animals to the vet because, well it's expensive and they often offer solutions and medicines that pets can often resolve on their own. But when the vomiting didn't stop I decided to take Carson in.
I explained the slowing down in eating, the loss of weight, the vomiting, so they ran some tests. I was truly expecting some sort of stomach bug, or maybe since he's getting older, something like pancreatitis. I was prepared to spend some money, get him some meds and get him feeling better.
Instead the doctor pulled me into a room I'd never seen before, and told me that Carson was in full kindey failure. I'm not a crier, but I couldn't NOT cry. It was such a shock to my system. The way the doctor was speaking with such finality and end of life care... I just couldn't fully process.
I know Carson was older, but this really still was very sudden. Now it was a matter of when, not if he was going to pass away. There was no talk of treatments, only things to help him be comfortable until we were comfortable with the end. I made a heartbreaking phone call to Dan and told him to come home from work ASAP. I was actually at the vet's long enough for him to meet me there and help bring him home.
We broke the news to Alex and Cade that evening. Cade had just gone back to oberlin a little over a week before. He knew carson had been having eating issues, but nothing like this. In the end Cade felt, and we agreed that he should come home. It was a 4-day weekend for us here in WA, so Cade came home on Saturday and we scheduled for a doctor to come in-home on Monday, giving us the maximum amount of time with Carson.
All the way up until Carson passed he seemed like he was back to his normal self. The anti-nausea meds and the saline IV they let us give him at home kept him hungry and perky/energetic. This was HARD to process. Happy dog, scheduled euthanasia. We knew that if he didn't have the meds he'd be feeling much worse. We knew that even with those meds it would only last so long since his kidneys weren't processing any of the food or liquids for him. Even knowing the inevitability of his diagnosis, we couldn't help but second-guess and wonder if we were making the right choice.
Carson means so much to our family. We've had him since we got back from Korea. We have traveled all over the US with Carson. He's been on our vacations, our moves, our walks, inclines, camping trips and so much more. He was the bestest boy you could ever have, often even helping non-dog lovers like dogs a little bit more.
Here is a photo dump of our time with carson between Tuesday February 11th and Monday February 17th. We gave him favorite meals, took him a few favorite places, played with favorite toys and just spent a lot of time with him. We even brought the LoveSac, his favorite spot, upstairs where he could be in the middle of all the love and attention.
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| We called this 'muss face' when his beard is all a mess from sleeping |
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| Visiting Dad at work |
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| Getting SQ fluids from mom |
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| Sleepy pup |
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| Ink pawprints |
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| He LOVES fries, lol |
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| Eggs and oranges bananas and peanut butter and toast oh my! |
Monday afternoon a doctor from Laps of Love came to our house. The service they offered was invaluable. The doctor was sweet, taking time to get to know Carson and ask us our favorite memories. She had treats and even played with him and his toy. We did some clay pawprints and then gave him a medicine to rest his body. It was jarring to see him so energetic and happy and then watch him lose his energy and fall asleep. When we were ready they gave him the final shot and he passed pretty quickly. I know it was for the best for Carson. We wouldn't have wanted to see him suffering in full kidney failure, but as stated above, it was still very hard to process.
Since his passing his remains have returned to us in a lovely box from Laps of Love. We sent off some of his ashes to be made into earrings for me and rings for the rest of the family. We have an Aura digital frame full of pictures of Carson from his whole life, and we keep everything together on a display shelf. We love him, miss him and don't know what to do without him.
